Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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