we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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