hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize