How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
