In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was confusing and full of hummus
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
