Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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