I think i peed on brittanys purse
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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