No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
