This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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