We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
