Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
