the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
