i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
