NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
