I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
