She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
