47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
