Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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