Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
