You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
