so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
