Pregnant stripper...not hot.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
