because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize