Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
