You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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