walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
