Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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