I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize