But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
