i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
