I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
