My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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