I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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