where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
