A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
