dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Your cock deserves a montage
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
