why didn't you poke me back
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
