its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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