Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do herpes really smell.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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