You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
pray to the hookup gods
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
