We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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