you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
