I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
