I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
this is an emotional support booty call
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
