The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
