you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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