also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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