I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
