I smell stomach acid.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
