You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
