I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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