ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize