Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
