1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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