My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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