So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
