Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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