tell your sister to shave her snatch
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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