he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
