Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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