He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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