If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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