And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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