just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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