u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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