Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
