Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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