i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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