1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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