Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
