i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We got so high we made milksteak
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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