I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
